emiello:

Pros of dating me

  • i’m rly soft and squishy
  • i’ll make you hot beverages in bed
  • i’m good at compliments
  • you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names

Cons of dating me

  • ummm??
  • zero i am a goddess

(via foxy-voxy)

"I will be wild. I will be brutal. I will encircle you and conquer you. I will be more powerful than your boats and your swords and your blood lust. I will be inevitable."
- Iphigenia, from A Memory of Wind by Rachel Swirsky. (via antonsokolov)

(Source: civismundisum, via becauseitscolourful)

herwhisperisthe-jyp:

i had a dream that i was walking around in a shirt with stalks of corn all over it and somebody was like “wtf are u wearing?” and i said “it’s a crop top” i laughed so hard that i woke up

(via memento-mori-arty)

    mom: who you texting
    me: my friend
    mom: what friend
    me:
    mom:
    me:
    me: it's jake
    me: jake from state farm

lardypoison:

why r fire extinguishers in glass cases that u have to smash?? its like u know what this fire needs?? more danger

(via lockedin221b)